released July 3, 2016
all rights reserved
- Track Name: Phantom
Lying awake for years on end
Delirium and insecurity.
Feeling infinitely foggy
Losing a troubled mind out of deafened ears
Cut my throat and blow my brains out
I no longer wish to be here.
Black my fucking eyes and tell me you love me.
Give me a hug, with a knife in my back.
Caress this flesh with those blade-like fingers.
Pushing my way through these trenches
Rifts and valleys filled with fire
Knee deep in ashes some days
Setting it all ablaze.
Lying awake for years on end.
Stir crazy, cabin fever, delirium and insecurity.
Feeling infinitely foggy.
Losing a troubled mind out of deafened ears.
Cut my throat and blow my brains out
I no longer wish to be here.
- Track Name: Sleepwalker, Reborn
Coming to realizations that make me shift in my seat.
Having revelations that make me weak in the knees.
Crawling skin with shuffling feet
Wide eyes with chattering teeth
Put me in a box six feet deep.
Couldn’t stand the sight of the smoldering embers
Breathing faintly in the failing light of fall
The spark was there, but the fuel had faltered,
As winter’s chill echoes through these halls.
The vastness and immensity
Of infinite possibility
Had become a crippling weight
That slowed my breathing and heart rate.
Tearing these blinders off.
Inching my way out from under this rock.
Stoking the embers with newly found breath
Feel full and fulfilled, awake, no regrets.
Taking new form.
Never seen before.
Becoming the storm.
I am the thunder.
The bolts of lightning.
I am the pounding sheets of rain.
Scream aloud this pain.
- Track Name: Disrepair
Can’t keep these extremities from freezing
Fucked up on free will and drinking decay.
Selling my many moments for mere pennies on the dollar,
day after day.
Making a meager living off of my own suffering.
Give me that agony.
I revel in your unhappiness.
Drunk on misfortune and drinking your piss.
Watching my fortune unfold through a keyhole in the door.
I’d paint you a beautiful picture, if my hands weren’t so shaky.
Watching an electrical fire spread, I feel the earth beneath me quaking.
Everyone hates the sound of my voice, but I will scream you to sleep.
Better than blacking out again on my feet.
That darkness has ruled my life for far too long.
Crippling me into disrepair, filling my weary brain with fog.
I won’t let that blackness define me.
I won’t be overcome by the demons inside me.
I yearn so desperately to become this phoenix in my heart
- Track Name: In Shambles
Endless daze slipping through thickening fingers
This numbing comfort a warm paralytic liquor,
Through my in and outsides.
Beside myself with incompetence.
(Staring wide eyed and afraid into blank pages.
Broadcasting back a nonstop marathon of my greatest failures, fears, and failings.
What a goddamned uncomfortable thought.)
The measure of my worth in shambles.
Blood viscous as molasses.
Belly full of god knows what.
Feet aching from fewer steps than before.
Come back to me.
Who have I become?
What is this face I see staring back at me and why are his teeth falling out.
What the fuck is happening and how the fuck do I stop it.
How do I fix things.
I’m in goddamned shambles.
What the fuck happened.
What do I do.)
Uphill battle after another hill.
An unrest that runs so deep I can’t tell where it ends and I begin.
Lost sight of my past self
And became a future abomination
Time traveling ageless
How do I free my soul from this machination
Step back and calculate
Oversee and evaluate
Figure your shit out and figure out who the fuck you are again.
I am so fucking overwhelmed and unhappy.
Who the fuck am I these days, who the fuck was I ever?
What is going on around me and inside.
- Track Name: The Iceberg
Troubled beyond reproach
Billowing clouds of smoke
When will my head and my heart agree for once.
Ageless and reckless.
Ancient and decrepit.
Falling from a higher horse, piranhas catch my body in shimmering waves.
(Of sticky amber liquid)
Clawing my way inside.
Breaking my bones, and swallowing my pride.
In an uncomfortable foreign place
Frozen in place,
Burned at the stake,
Never able to quite make out the iceberg on the horizon.
My body riddled with arrows, parting my organs from one another.
I cradle my comfort.
Swaddled in cloth.
I cradle my comfort.
Standing at the edge about to step off.
Feeling electric, voltage bursts through lifeless veins.
The motions of the universe inspires, as i drift through outer space.
Adrift in the cosmic clockwork, riding on solar winds.
Time and space cease to exist, where the galaxy ends.
Let's keep this just between us,
i'm diving head first into knee deep fathoms.
Taking a knee to shoulder the weight of fifty faceless phantoms.
Fantasizing fantastic futures, as i pantomime compliance.
Deluding myself with a false sense of security,
As I'm thrown to the lions.
Throw me to the lions.
- Track Name: Crimson as Crimson
To build a sturdy structure
Bleeding from the ears and shaking with withdrawal.
Folding locust wings, under imaginary skin.
Bludgeoned. To. Death.
To find a safer sanctuary
Wrapping open wounds and steeled as a silver sword.
Unsheathing these meanings
Engaging this demeanor
Revitalized, reverberating, reminded and reborn.
I will paint you all crimson as fucking crimson.
I will shed your blood and destroy your human hearts.
- Track Name: Myriad
A myriad of sights and sounds bursting forth from the core of my existence
As the neverending disembodied hunger keeps begging me to bridge the distance
Between the man that I was and he who I need to be
No matter how hard I try to unbind myself I still can’t see.
God knows what the fuck I’m doing
Feels like I’ve been holding my breath for days
Standing blindfolded with broken legs
Expecting to find my way out of this maze.
Resting my head for comfort, drunk with the wine I suckle from her breasts
Collecting odds and ends to wall myself in, here in our comfortable nest.
I can find neither shoulder nor solace
For nobody likes the sound of my voice
What have I gotten myself into?
Drifting with no air in space’s black void.
I love you
I keep whispering it to myself.
Forcing a big stupid grin onto my face
I’m feeling swell.
Dearly departed, we are gathered here today
To lay to rest this broken man we found drifting in outer space.
Frightened but hopeful I brace my weight against these falling walls.
Hoping to high heaven that jesus will hear my desperate call.
I beg of you, being of light.
Guide me through this endless dark.
Know that I yearn to know your salvation
From the top to the bottom of my huge heart.
- Track Name: Signal Fire Formation
Awake, sleep addled brain, and germinate these seeds.
Plant them deeply in a fertile psyche.
Not too deep, and remember to water them daily.
To achieve a healthy state of being.
Moving with the wind through hologram walls.
Sighting a signal fire,
Summoning your strength to answer it’s summon.
You gave me breath with lungs full of water.
And a head swimming in a sea of confusion.
Extremities flailing in an attempt at buoyancy
I’m creating a catalyst
For forecasted futures.
With withering human hands.
A newly formed structure.
Taking a never known shape.
New breath, reanimating once lifeless bodies.)
Brand new moments.
Starting life then starting over again.
It feels like today.
Feels like I was just born.
Stoking these fiercely billowing flames.
I’m screaming over the uproar
Voicing a plan of action.
To ethereal beings
In a five pointed formation over the signal fire.
MAKE THIS SEQUENCE OF EVENTS GO INTO MOTION
Throw intention down from high posted clouds in heavenly auras
I must master this congregation
To make sense of my psyche
And to make a brighter tomorrow.
And as i lay awake at night, I'll know.
- Track Name: Requiem
You will never know how much I miss you, and have over the years.
Pouring this overfull heart out, and shedding too many tears.
The circumstances that separate us, more concrete than ever.
So I build myself a sturdy shelter to shield me from the weather.
One morning, more than anything, I shall never forget.
Battled bouncing orange balls all night,
Scraping out resin hits.
Three sets of master materia, through so many hours of grinding.
Little did we know, overhead, the planets were aligning.
Embarking from the house at dawn’s first light, into the thickest fog.
We journeyed through the forest, and enjoyed the eerie calm.
Dew hung thick in spider’s webs, that carpeted the forest floor.
We would stop here and there and fill our lungs with some more.
As surreal as that morning was, veiled by the looming treetops.
Every time I drift into that memory, my heart stops.
What a very special bond was cultivated betwixt these two unlikely beings.
When I think of it, my big heart bursts, at it’s very seams.
So I step outside, at dawn’s first light, and light a death with tears.
Acquiring a last’un, for the truest you bee moments we shared, over the years.
No matter what has happened or what will happen in the future
The youbeeness in my heart.
- Track Name: Echoing Down the Mountainside
Echoing down the mountainside
I’m screaming at the top of my lungs.
Weighing in on everything
Meditating on the flow of my blood.
I whisper sweet nothings to handfuls of seeds
And plant them in the fertile ground.
Sipping the sap from a sycamore tree, rejoicing when the rain comes down.